Have you ever found yourself caught in a web of conflicting thoughts and emotions, feeling like one part of you wants to take control while another resists? Or maybe you’ve internalised feelings of guilt, shame, or regret, and let them shape your entire self-view. Internal Family Systems (IFS), a transformative psychotherapy model developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz, offers a way to understand these internal dynamics and achieve emotional healing.
In this blog, I’ll be diving into the key concepts of IFS and how it can guide us toward a more compassionate relationship with ourselves.
The Mono-Mind Belief System
One of the biggest threats to a positive self-image? Believing that everything you do, or have done, reflects who you are at your core. When we internalise feelings of shame, guilt, regret, or inadequacy about things we’ve done, we start to let these feelings shape our view of our whole selves.
“There’s something wrong with me.”
“I’m a bad person.”
“No one knows what I’m really like.”
These are some of the thoughts that might crop up when we believe that we are everything that we do. This idea that we have one single mind, which includes all of the ‘unhealthy’ decisions and ‘negative’ aspects of our personality alongside all the good, is called the mono-mind belief system. We’re likely to have been brought up on this one-dimensional view of ourselves, and when we make mistakes or face regrets, this belief can lead to harsh self-criticism and damaged self-esteem.
According to IFS, however, our personalities are not monolithic but made up of multiple “parts”. These parts are natural sub-personalities that form throughout our lives’, each with its own emotions, experiences, motivations, and roles. By recognising this multiplicity, we can look to move away from self-judgment and toward self-understanding.
Alongside these natural different parts of our selves, Schwartz emphasises the existence of a core ‘Self’ within each of us, which is inherently loving, compassionate, and equipped to heal. The qualities of the Self include what Schwartz refers to as ‘The 8 Cs of Self Energy and Self-Leadership’:
- Curiosity
- Calm
- Confidence
- Compassion
- Creativity
- Clarity
- Courage
- Connectedness
Exploring Roles in IFS
According to IFS, parts are our natural, internal sub-personalities. They have important qualities that help us in our lives, but can be impacted by trauma and driven into more destructive roles:
- Exiles
- These are the sensitive parts of us that carry burdens from past traumas, such as feelings of fear, shame, worthlessness, terror, or emotional pain.
- Exiles are often “locked away” to protect us from reliving those painful experiences. They make us feel fragile and vulnerable, with the potential to be triggered by things in the world around us.
- Managers
- These parts are forced into protective roles, working to keep exiles hidden and ‘contained’, to prevent pain from resurfacing.
- They might manifest as hypervigilance, self-criticism, numbness, or perfectionism.
- Firefighters
- When exiles are triggered, firefighters leap into action. They often act desperately and impulsively, with little concern for collateral damage.
- The goal of firefighters is to hide or distract you from pain, often leading to behaviours like overeating, substance abuse, or avoidance.
While these parts may seem problematic, they’re ultimately trying to protect us. The key is to approach them with curiosity rather than criticism (I’ll revisit this later on!)
Burdens – “A Huge Weight on my Shoulders”
When we’ve experienced trauma, we often carry around ‘burdens’. These are extreme beliefs or emotions that attach to our parts as a result of past trauma and drive the way those parts of our personality think or act. Burdens are frozen in time, and carried over from a past trauma in which this extremity was necessary to protect ourselves, but is now no longer functional. They can be personal (stemming from direct experiences, such as terror from being in a car accident, a lack of trust when we’ve experienced abandonment as a child) or legacy-based (passed down through family or absorbed through cultural influences or our ethnic group).
Parts and burdens are often mistaken. Our burdens are not our parts, and our parts are not our burdens. Rather, our burdens attach to parts of us and drive the way those parts operate (but they aren’t one of the same!) Recognising that our parts are not inherently flawed, but instead burdened by past trauma is a powerful step toward self-acceptance and healing.
Blending – When Managers Go Too Far
Do you ever find yourself taking care of everyone else but yourself? Sometimes, parts of ourselves (our managers) can become extreme in their protective efforts to keep destructive thoughts and feelings at bay.
Our managers are stuck in a past time – the time in which trauma first occurred and they were forced into this protective role. They don’t realise that you have grown up and matured, becoming stressed out and overzealous in carrying out their role. Eventually, they ‘blend’ with the innately good qualities of your core Self.
In IFS, the term ‘blended’ refers to the phenomenon in which “a part merges its perspective, emotion, beliefs and impulses with your Self, causing all those positive qualities of the Self to become hidden or replaced by the protective parts. Some parts are blended most of the time, and others blend only when they are triggered.
Curiosity Over Criticism
Ever find that the harder you try to fight to squash an unwanted thought or an uncomfortable feeling, the stronger it comes back? Often it may feel like those thoughts we try hardest to eradicate are the ones that endure most fiercely. And, whilst it’s easy to fall into the trap of battling our burdened parts with sheer willpower, Schwartz explains, “parts, like people, fight back against being shamed or exiled.”
Instead of waging war on ourselves, IFS invites us to adopt a stance of curiosity. Why is this part acting the way it does? What is it protecting us from? The idea is such that, by engaging with our parts lovingly and patiently, we can uncover the root causes of our behaviours and begin the process of healing.
Mindfulness
Mindfulness plays a crucial role in IFS as Schwartz explains “the quieting of our mind associated with mindfulness occurs when the parts of us usually running our lives relax, which then allows the parts we have tried to bury to ascend, bringing with them the emotions, beliefs, and memories they carry that got them locked away in the first place”.
It’s a powerful opportunity to separate our inner Self from some of our thoughts and feelings (accessing them, rather than being ‘in’ them). Whilst this might sound uncomfortable and unpleasant if the feelings and memories being tapped into are not positive ones, it is also the start of unpicking and healing parts of ourselves that may have experienced injury or trauma.
Untangling the Self
The work of IFS is intended to create safety whereby all parts of us can come to the surface of our consciousness (for example, through practising mindfulness) and be healed . This, in turn, opens up space for our Self to be accessed and with that all its positive qualities. IFS works to untangle the roles these parts have taken on from the Self, understanding their protective nature and freeing them from past trauma. This process involves:
- Identifying the part that has taken over.
- Listening to its concerns and understanding its protective role.
- Reassuring the part that the Self is capable of handling the situation.
- Releasing the burdens that the part has been carrying.
When we connect with our Self, we’re better equipped to lead our internal system with kindness and understanding, allowing us to un-blend from our protective parts and approach them from a place of compassion.
Interested in Finding Out More?
Whether you’re navigating feelings of guilt, dealing with an overactive inner critic, or simply seeking greater self-awareness, IFS provides a roadmap to reconnect with the loving, resilient Self that resides within us all. To explore other alternative treatment options available, have a read of my recent blog ‘Beyond CBT: Exploring Therapy Treatment Options’.
At Healthy Mind Psychology, our psychologists are experienced in a wide range of treatment modalities so you never have to feel uncomfortable engaging in an approach that’s not right for you.
To find out how we can help you or for further information, please contact us below: